Here I am, on bed rest – fully by the grace of God – after what I thought was a rocky pregnancy for the first 15 weeks. Since I found out I was pregnant I have been bleeding, just brown spots at first which at 12 weeks turned into massive cramping and bright red blood – leading to several unexpected ER visits and still no answers.
At the second ER visit they discovered that I had what is called a subchorionic hematoma – and probably a hemorrhage causing the bleeding but they couldn’t find the source of it. I was placed on bed rest with check ins to see a specialist to monitor my pregnancy. On Friday the 16th at fifteen weeks pregnant I started bleeding a lot heavier than usual. It is so difficult to tell when something is actually wrong when you are constantly bleeding! But something told me this was different. Although we had already seen the doctor on Wednesday of that week I called and got in on the schedule for the same day. At 1:30 we went in to check on Quinn and by 3 we were checked into the hospital.
My maternal fetal medicine specialist told me that I had no cervix left and was 1cm dilated. There was nothing she could do. We would be meeting our little son Quinn Alan that weekend.
After we checked into the hospital I was placed in a labor and delivery room and began the fearful waiting stage. The nurses hooked me up to antibiotics and an IV, and placed me in a position called Trendelenburg position. (A position where my feet are higher than my head, thus relieving some pressure off my cervix – also called t-position. We survived the first night, and then the next day, and then the weekend. Soon we were able to see the specialist again on Monday so they could reassess and see if the original diagnosis was incorrect. Unfortunately (and fortunately) nothing had changed. Quinn was still strong and growing – his little head was still in my birth canal and by all worldly explainations he shouldn’t have been still alive. But there he was – my precious baby boy – kicking and moving around on the ultrasound. Blissfully unaware how close he is to the outside world.
Throughout this weekend we have had so many amazing prayer warriors lifting us up in prayer – praying for something that only the master physician- Jesus Christ – can provide. A true miracle. Just within these past few days my relationship with Christ has grown immensely. The doctors have given him no chance of surviving. No chance of making it until 22 weeks where he at least has a chance at life. There’s nothing they can do.
So now, we wait. We pray. We place everything in his hands – but really it’s been there all along. If everything doesn’t work out the way we want it to – if we do lose him – God is still good. Although I know I’ll have to remind myself, and have others praying that for me constantly.
Since I am on complete bed rest, upside down for hopefully the next few months I wanted to share my journey with you all – in hopes that it will uplift and encourage, even if Quinn doesn’t make it to my arms in the end.
Even if we have only been given this past weekend with him – it’s more time than I had before to sing to him, to feel him kick and flutter around in my tummy and for us to love on him while he is still here.